11/25/25
All I can really do is apologize.
I have been trying to make sense of the picture, and how to do a simple story that might help understanding, but I am not sure if this is possible.
Again, I am truly sorry.
11/25/25
All I can really do is apologize.
I have been trying to make sense of the picture, and how to do a simple story that might help understanding, but I am not sure if this is possible.
Again, I am truly sorry.
12/6/25
it was just fear in online settings
both of intimacy that seemed too public and of the lack of any way quiet enough to communicate online
(some have had many decades to learn to navigate these)
not all, but a lot of the miscommunication, may have stemmed from this
i had assumed an understanding of quiet communication in the near-future
looking a little was just to see what was there, not intentional anything else in any way
if the purpose is understanding, communication may be more successful, and may take less time, in the form of a dialogue
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maybe calling it “conversation or dialogue” instead of the true fun and joy that it is, ruins it? what else could it be called? hanging out some?
each person seems so sure of their viewpoint?
no room for learning or for how what one does not know might change the picture completely?
real conversation or dialogue seems not to occur?
despite good faith efforts when it was very personally difficult, to make it possible?
even when others could choose contexts?
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quiet presence or quiet communication usually seem good, or at least ok
not this weekend i guess, maybe another time when it seems to be less stressful for some
it is a good cause, maybe asked to not, so not
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i choose love, trust and surrender
not sure of the social media language for this
(there may not be social media language for this?)
how to know when to desist?
or, i guess we all let each other know when to desist?
i was saying one when arriving through difficulty
i know what i was recognizing
it is also because many things were very difficult, very painful at that stage several years ago
and sometimes something good may be some small respite from that
a brief mental vacation from pain
thank you to many
and of course many will do what is right for them
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i would not want unnecessary sacrifices to anything by anyone
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misunderstandings
groups have their ways of doing things, and that is ok
groups, and the individuals in them, i guess do what they must for survival sometimes maybe, right or not
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Looking at reasonable international places to visit or spend parts of some months is partly about work / art interest there, reasonable trip ideas to pursue interesting ideas or beauty,
seem to be looking for “both good and grounded” works in the arts of other cultures. I am not sure I know what I mean by that phrase, but I think I will recognize it when I see or hear it.
(Looking at reasonable international places to visit seems to be sometimes misunderstood?)
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a person that understands, just making the choices, nothing else required
a person that understands, a few friends that understand, and work interests is a good picture
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Some feedback I may not understand? feedback but no questions possible (i know who i am not, and who i am (mostly), so i don’t get some of the feedback?) I respect people watching out for those they care about. (again the theme of difficulty communicating and lack of dialogue or conversation?)
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pacific coast area from northern mexico to southwestern US, connections and memories are purely with the natural world, desert to chaparral to coastal sage scrub, visiting there briefly from arizona often, we were never seeing a lot of people, only a few relatives were living there, nature was the point
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my work for years was helping a wide variety of people, and sometimes their visceral reactions seemed obvious to me? and I had a strong impression that maybe a good number in the last several years may have misunderstood what healing from difficult events from decades ago might look like or might show up as? maybe it confused or unnerved some, maybe there were some judgments, misunderstandings, assumptions, or reactions? like maybe a small wave of a reaction? it worried me. maybe I was wrong about this, or misread this, though? i tried to refer to this possible small wave of a reaction, and seemed to be very misunderstood by some?
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Early to mid november online possibly events of sorts are not what they may seem to be, although I completely understand the judgments and cynicism. (Seemed to be maybe some pressure that seemed to begin some events of sorts? A little two way communication ahead or before may have helped it go easier?)
I am not saying situations or people or intentions are even remotely equivalent, I am just trying to do a picture of the "accidental absurdity" side that many people have, and that may often, and mostly, does a lot of good:
My first conscious school memory of absurdity coming forth, unintentionally, in a very stressful, awkward or difficult situation was in finding myself in middle school finding ways to distract a teacher who was often cruel to kids. I had not intended to. But it was humor to disrupt cruelty. (That was decades ago. These days that teacher would have been fired within weeks.) There have to be lots of people who can relate to this. Even in a large class many decades ago, a few of the other kids seemed to understand and try to help me help others. Very rarely, in situations that seem overwhelming, a kind of rescue jokester side might show up. (It is just accidental stress creativity that some will relate to and some will not? A couple of us also reported that teacher way back then to that school administration, even though we were only in 6th grade.) I'm pretty sad about many people's cynical judgments, even though I also understand people's assumptions. 'Absurdity rescue's' purpose is to help others. Almost always the slightly panicked jokester side ends up helping the situation or others a lot, or maybe just a bit, or reducing some awkwardness. But it is not all conscious control obviously, as it is usually in response to events in the moment. Sometimes situations may blow up spectacularly.
Objecting to unkindness, cynicism, and dehumanization is a good thing, and I am grateful to the “rescue jokester” aspect that does that. I see it in many others as well. Love seems like a long term way to object and resist that is more conscious and more proactive. Rescue in the moment is necessary when one is suddenly afraid for another, and immediate action is needed. However when resisting unkindness, cynicism, and dehumanization, love and long term planning seem maybe more effective and less stressful, when one can.
I know there are a huge number of survivors who can relate to the 'rescue jokester absurdity' aspect. Some of us sometimes maybe sometimes get less credit for being fully human, and that adds to the difficulty. It seems like a lot of the judgment is really coming more out of misunderstanding than anything, though that does not make it easier. It may be easy to judge survivors or people with cptsd and not understand their seemingly paradoxical behaviors. (Difficult events can happen to anyone, and that might be oneself sooner or later.) Survivors or people with cptsd can use a little grace. I have a new acquaintance with recently acquired trauma... Anyway, it is lucky and a good thing if one is not having to manage or cope with that.
I truly apologize for how this 'absurdity side' may have affected anyone else. The intentions are good. The results are almost always good or ok, but are occasionally not. I am respecting everyone, just not knowing specific actions to take, or getting overwhelmed by situations.
Trying to help or cooperate while in very difficult to navigate situations?
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ps.
i am so sorry for misunderstandings
I owe apologies to many
i am sorry
jw, thank you for your directness, clarity and courage, and my apologies again.
i apologize for what i have not managed well or done well.
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using wrong signifiers, assuming single conversations when that is seemingly not the case,
and a lack of understanding of the situation, my own or others’, is not a recipe for good communication
I apologize again.
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denial and distraction are not actually simple
especially if denial was necessary for survival for a long period of time
it can take a while to unwind or undo
it feels like a communication loop may sometimes get a worse, when it does not need to?
people don't communicate a little.... so then they don't understand others...
so then they don't communicate a little...so then they don't understand others..
and it may mean less and less communication and less and less understanding?